Praying for your children-grandchildren (3)

You need to know you have to forgive.

Relationships with your adult children can be very challenging. You discover that they do not listen to you or obey you as they did before, if they did before. They can easily put you in your place as you try to help them.

They can hurt you with uncaring words or just be so involved with their lives that you are put on the backburner. Sometimes you are sidelined by their spouse or partner where little contact has been made or you do not see the grandchildren as often as you would like.

The end result is that relationships can be shipwrecked between you and your adult children and their families.

The first step is to come before God and ask Him what you may need to forgive. The following steps will enable God to prompt you to be specific about what you need to forgive.

Forgive your adult children and their spouses/partners for anything they may have done to hurt, disappoint, neglect or anger you.

Forgive your adult child’s other parent

Forgive anyone in your adult child’s past whom you believe did harm to them in any way

Forgive yourself for anything in the past where you felt you could have been a better parent.

The second step is to pray that God will heal the relationship, His way.

The third step is be willing to apologize to your adult children. Wait for the time that God organizes. Remember to apologize for what your part has been: “I need to apologize for something that I have said/done”

It is not helpful to do a backhanded apology like “Í forgive you for taking my child away, spending all their money and ruining their life!”

Remember forgiving someone does not make you right but it makes you free!

You need to know there is only One Perfect Parent

Have you ever contemplated what life would be like if you had it over again? Have you ever contemplated what life would be like if you parented your children differently by making different decisions than what you had? Have you ever wanted your parenting life over again knowing what you do now?

Have you ever regretted what you have said and done as a parent? In a dark moment, there may have been the thought that you wished one of your children never had been born!

The biblical record indicates that God did.

The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. (Genesis 6:5,6)

If God had some regrets about his “parenting”, we who have regrets are in good company!

For all of us, our parenting has been like the curate’s egg; good in parts.

Some of us started our parenting without a Christian faith. Others had a Christian faith but at times it did not seem to help. Some of us had good role models with our own parents and others of us had poor role models. Some of us read numerous books about parenting and some of us had children that the books could not help.

We have all made mistakes and we cannot undo what has been done. We can only confess our mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

But the Bible offers us a promise.

All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace. (Isaiah 54:13)

God promises to pick up where you left off; fill in the gaps; correct the mistakes; lead your children to the straight and narrow path; look after your children (and grandchildren) when you are gone.

You need to know that you are not the perfect parent but you did your best and God will look after the rest.

Meditate on Isaiah 54:11-17.  How has your city (read family/parenting) been afflicted? How has your family been built with precious stones? How has the Lord taught your children? What lessons have they learnt by the hand of God? What is the heritage that God has given to your family?